The Changing of the Seasons, The Changing of Life.

(I posted this on cafemom a few weeks ago.... I wanted to put it here...)

So this weeks Journal question is about my favorite season...

        Normally that would be a simple cut & dry answer. Fall. I love the changing of the leaves, the crunchy sound the leaves make when you walk on them. I love the nice weather. Being able to take my little guy out for a walk to see what kinds and colors we can find of leaves. Watching all the children in my area trick or treating. The smell of Pecan pies cooking, Turkeys baking.... Good hardy soups in the crock pot....

        This year though it is going to be very bitter sweet for us. Last year was hard, but it was nice. We got to enjoy all of this one last time with my father in law, so also enjoyed fall. He got to see his only grandchild come running through the house, to where he was laying in bed, & share candy.... This year he's not going to be here.

         When I bake Pecan Pie, he's not going to be there to Joke about Having to do a trial pie just for him to taste.... Or steal half the pecans (he thinks he did, but I always had extra.) There will be no sharing all the good candy with Papa this year.... There will be no turkeys for him either.

          It hurts, but I know its for the best. As much as I hate to say that. He is truly better off. After battling cancer for three years, he held out for as long as he could.

        But this fall, as sweet as it is, to have back. It hurts. I know whats coming & I dont know how to deal with it. In just a few short months He will be gone for a whole year. That hurts. Alot. He shouldn't have left. He was so young, and a good person...

      Nov 20th will make a year.... Thanksgiving will never be the same. It was his favorite holiday... & Even though it will never be the same. I look forward to it. To knowing that people who loved him will be sharing stories about him...



              Last year Fall felt BAD. It was as if the season it's self brought the death of my father in law.. I know thats not true, but I couldn't help but notice for the first time that Fall brought the death of butterflies & flowers.... Leaves & Roses.... It was an evil season & I knew before it happened that my father in law wouldn't make it to see Christmas, as hard as I wished for him to, As much as I begged the gods, or god, or whoever you believe in... I knew with fall our lives where going to change..

     It took me all winter to start growing out of the haze I was in. I didn't do anything that I didn't have to do. I refused to even take out my camera but once. When I went on a trip my father planned for me. Even then as much as I enjoyed it, & I was excited about it, the loss was still too there.

      When Spring started showing, I started healing. I took my camera back out & would spend hours behind the lens. Enjoying seeing everything being reborn again. I enjoyed nursing my roses back from the harsh cruel winter. I started to feel better, behind that camera lens. It woke me up... I felt almost human again. The pain was still there. It will always be there. I don't think the pain ever really goes away, I think we as humans just learn how to deal with the pain...



      I smiled brighter & laughed harder. I remembered the spring before. The fun we had, the good & the bad. We took flowers to the grave & I LAUGHED at the grave, because I knew if Daddy was alive he'd be bitching that I cut roses from my own rose bushes to bring to him. He hated that. He much rather had store bought, that way I didn't "ruin" my beautiful bushes in his words. I never listened & I cut him roses anyway.



      With spring came new, new roses, new laughter, new life...... It helped to deal me. Or at least I like to think that Spring & my camera started healing me. I know I have a long road ahead of me. My whole family does.
 Even though this fall is going to hurt, I think we'll be alright. We'll remember. We'll laugh, We'll cry. We'll be together, honoring the life of a very simple country man who changed everything..


     So to answer the question fall and spring are my favorite seasons. They always have been, but this is the first year for them being my favorite seasons for a reason...















To Marvin T. Dorman. (11-24-51 to 11-20-2009) We'll always love you & We'll look at for the Brightest Star, because we know its you. We love you daddy, Happy Fall.

Well I didn't know that.

I suck at playing pool. =/

Im rather okay at Air Hockey. & My son takes after me..... WOOHOO.

Nothing Much Going On.

There is nothing new really going on. John of course is doing good in school. At least with the work. He's talking alot in class which is never a good thing, But he is working on that.

He loves school. Friday he was singing me all the songs that he's learning. YAY ME!!! All night... Non-stop.

Thomas is still working nights. It bothers me sometimes, but not too often. I miss having him to sleep next to me. You would think though with him working nights & John being in school he'd get more sleep durning the days. Nope.  Not my hubby.

I started to re-use my cafemom.com account. I like it, but omg the stupid fights about EVERYTHING on there. If I say the sky is blue someone somewhere will tell me no its pink....

Other news worthy things going on- I stopped biting my nails. I keep cutting my self though with my nails. So they might be gone in a few days.

Its finally getting cooler around here. YAY Nice fall weather... Too bad it also finally means rain & Poor John's allergies acting up.

Im thinking about taking a night course in photography at my local com. college. Still havent made my mind up on that one yet. I plan on looking into tomorrow when my eyes are more open.

& Im truly jealous of my cats.... They have it made. They get loved when they want to be loved on. Feed whenever they want... get to lay around & Be lazy.. & Even when they are in trouble, its hard to stay made at them....

Finally Something Thats Worth Writing About.

               I haven't really been updating my blog. I guess I've just been in a blogging funk.... Today I finally have a reason to blog.

The past two weeks, I have been going to bed around 12 just to wake up around 5:45 to get my little man up & used to getting up for school. Well all my hard, **Boring** work paid off. Today John started school. His very first day ever. He was a stay at home kid. No day cares, no pre-school. (He got tested to see if it was needed, I got told he'd be bored....Not worth it.)

             He did wonderfully.  He only got spoken to about not staying in his seat once he was done with his work. His teacher told me that he was very well mannered, very outgoing. She also said that he did what he was told when he was told, but just needed that helpful reminder about staying in his seat. I'm so very proud of him. I hope he keeps it up. (Trans- HE BETTER KEEP IT UP.!!!)

Sighs. All those days this week & last worrying for nothing.... He did well. No tears, no whining. Just wonderful... He really enjoyed his day. I don't think Ive ever seen him so excited for anything. This morning we stayed just long enough to watch him with his teacher put his things away. It broke my heart because when we walked away he had this look of OMG their leaving me. But he wiped his eyes & went on his way...

I think John's going to do great this year, he better. He needs to not only because mommy & daddy want him to, but because He wants too. I believe in helping your child through out their school years. Setting up good habits, like doing their home work at the kitchen table with no t.v. or Ipod's going. Making sure that you don't just give them the answer, but really truly help them understand what they are doing.

I also believe in setting those habits early, for when they get to Middle School or High School they are already set..... Kindergarten to me is the year that sets how the rest of his school will go. So we both need good habits.

Like waking up on time for school. Something Im still getting use too....