Baby Steps, Right?

Welp, Today I took out my camera, for the first time in a long time to just take pictures. No one telling me what they wanted, or anything like that. Just me, the camera & the front yard. :D I'm takin' baby steps. Thats it. Just breathe and take tiny steps fowards the healing.

First Things, First

Last night I got the wonderful Idea, that I just had to have my two nephews join my son for the night. Someone else tell me what I was thinking? Holy Loudness Batman!!! But I love them what can I say, even if I was woken up at 7:30 by screaming, ( I am not sure but I think the Autobots where attacking the bad guys.  I'm too tired to think of their names right now.) They are really great kids and I am lucky to have them in my life. Even if when they get with my son they drive me to drinkin (couldn't this morning, :( NO COFFEE CREAMER!!!)

 Anyway, I spent last night with my music, my photographs and oddly enough I am starting to feel a little bit better. Why Ive waited so long to work on my website I don't know. I think deep down inside it was because I knew I would see some photographs that I am not ready to see. & Of course I did. & I might have gotten a little teary eyed, but I kept them up. I can't change the past, those picture show a time in my life that despite all odds I enjoyed. they show a time in my life when everything was falling apart and I had someone strong to help me through it. & In the end it didn't work, choices had to be made and I had to do what was best for everyone. Blah, Don't you hate that. Even though I know the choices I made where best for everyone, part of me still cries for that time. & I know if you don't know me, you have no idea what I am talking about. Sorry. There's enough people in my world that know and can't wait to keep telling me about the other sides of the story. Or who wrong my choices where. It's better this way.

Today the plan is to keep the kids amused until a little after lunch && then head back to bed. for a nap. If the games not on. (Which reminds me when are the Pats playing?) Maybe take out the camera if the sky clears up some. Maybe edit some Photographs. Who knows the world is mine for the day....

Some of My Better Shots of the Past Year.

Well Over a Year, A Year of Strange, Heartbreak, Anger, && Moving on.

Well its been well over a year since I even opened this blog. I got so caught up with everything going on in my life, I never even thought to grab some paper & a pen, or even to log on here. Lookin' back now, I think I could have used it.

       I couldn't even begin to explain what all has happened to me this past year, some of my own doing, some my own mistakes, and some thrown on me from others. Looking back on this past year I know now that I am forever changed, & Honestly some days I don't know if this is a good thing, or a horrible thing.

My son is now SEVEN years old, it seems like yesterday he was only learning how to walk.

I am still married.

I am now 26

I rarely touch my camera, or listen to music.

But I know that I am slowly getting back into the habits. I need them, I think. I think my camera can heal me if I give it the chance,
              But then again I have to ask myself, do I want to heal from what I have been through? Some of it was so amazing, even if it did end, even if the events leading up too, and after were horrible choices I made, that I do not regret.

I learned A LOT of life lessons this past year, and honestly, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Would I do somethings differently? Maybe,  I know I can finally say I know the meaning of the word Regret, and the Girl who never regretted anything has a big regret that I am going to have to live with. I know the fault is mine and honestly, I wish I could change it but I can't...


Anyway that's it for now. I WILL be back soon.