Motherhood

                   Take this as your fair warning. This is going to be a long blog, this is going to be a ranting blog, && a happy blog... Take your leave, but please please please don't read it all the way && start leaving nasty comments if you don't like what I have to say. For this is blog is my thoughts, please do feel free to leave comments, just not overly nasty, I don't care if you disagree, && want to say something. Please do. Just dont be childish & nasty about it. =)




                              To me there is no greater feeling in the world then to have my little boy run up & give me a hug, && say Mommy I love you for no reason. ((Or for what I believe is no reason.)) Its an amazing feeling... I will admit I fall for it, && those big brown eyes everytime. Its not always wonderful, because normally 15 minutes before hes either was screaming or whinning or something worse to drive me insane.


                          But I am often asked if I regret having John at the age of 19. No. I don't. Maybe it wasn't the best thing in the world, but Honestly I wouldn't change it. I have no regrets, He made my life whole. I can't say that Its been easy, but for me, it was easier then some.  I didn't have the parties to give up, or the going out all the time. It was stressful ((Was?!?! Heck it still is!!!!)) The lack of sleep. The always hearing crying, the forgetting things, like bottles when heading out, always making sure you have enough of this, or enough of that... But for the smiles, the first steps, the first time you hear "Mama" the smiles, the laughs, ect, its all worth it.

                          You never do know if you are doing this right, or are you doing this wrong? Is he going to grow up to be a wonderful person, or end up in jail, && if he does is it your fault? Are you teaching them right from wrong? You should do it differently? Or stay the way you are? How do you know these things? How can you tell? I almost wish someone gave me a manual on how to raise John. I really do.  Maybe it would have been a lot easier.

                            I myself, try to raise him differently from how I was raised. I make him mind his manners, I make him be polite & respectful. He has to pick up his toys, he has to eat his food, brush his teeth, make his bed. But am I being too hard? I don't know. I just know that I want my son to be better then me, better then soo many other children his age, or older. Am I spoiling him too much? Do I let him make to many of his own choices? Should I stop? Should I keep letting him pick what he wants to wear, where wants to go, who he wants in room or not. Should I stop buying him the toys he wants, becuaes hes been good, Should I save more for him, or less for him. Should I Let him have a ten dollar bill ever two weeks for doing his chores, or should I cut it back?
                               The questions are never ending. You always wonder. Its enough to drive you insane alone, without the fussing & whining. Throw those into it, && your crying ever night (( not really, but you get the point.)) How do you know if you are a bad parent, or a parnet that is doing it wrong.  Sighs.


There are some "Parents" {& I use the term loosly here} that shouldn't have ever had their children. They abuse them physically, mentally, sexually. They don't care if they are into drugs at an early age, 12 years old & having sex.... The Parents are never home, they don't care if they have a good meal, clothes that fit right, or dont show their butts... There are parents that just don't care. && blows my mind. I couldn't be like that. I couldn't sit back & just let John run wild. Maybe I am overbearing on him. But I want to know where is at, what he is doing, make sure hes safe.

Too many parents just don't care... Or don't really care enough. The parents that use their kids against the other parent in a divorce. Or blame the child for the divorce, HOW CAN THEY DO THAT? How? How can you belittle your own flesh & blood that way && then claim to love them.....



Sorry, I just had a freak attack today, someone loser in a white truck thought it would be cute to stop in front of my house & honk the horn & wave at John through the fence, I went flying out the door, && they drove off.





&& News papers are always going on about moms whove killed there child, or dads who have raped their toddlers....


It just makes me soo fucking sick...

&&& Maybe thats what makes me a better parent then some.


Maybe just maybe I am doing something right.




sorry if this post doesn't make sense,

its late, & Im sleepy, but damn some parents just really tick me off.



Lots of Love
Catie

My darling little man whos growing up way too fast for his mommys taste.