Sitting Here...

         I'm sitting outside in the dark, smoking & enjoying the peaceful night air... Fog is rolling in & all I can think about is that this would make a good setting for a horror story. Too bad I haven't written any stories since I don't know, High school maybe. I still say If I would have finished at least two of my "stories" I would have more money than Stephine Meyer right now. Just saying.
        Today was a day of Rain. And anything that could go wrong has gone wrong. First the dog wouldn't stop barking & then he got out of the yard not once, not twice but three times. Having to hunt down a little barking beanie baby in the rain is not my idea of fun by the way....
       Eh, Im so ready for bed, but I can't yet. I've got about another hour to kill first. I thought about editing the photographs I took from today. But I just don't have the drive. No really I don't have my extra hard drive right now & Im just too lazy to go into my bedroom to get it. If I go into the bed room I know my nice, warm Cal-King bed will call to me. Which isn't as good as it sounds, as someone has to wake the sleeping man on the couch to get up to go to work.
      So instead Im just sitting here, outside, Not listening to the dogs on the street bark.. Yay. Im sorry if  you're reading this & Im just going on & on. Forgive me. But remember at least I am updating this somewhat.




      John's school pictures come out tomorrow. I can't wait to see them. Hopefully they have come out good. That way I can send them out to friends & family. I think I might scan them on to the computer so I can upload them here. I don't know yet how much those bad boys are going to cost me. I know its not going to be as cheap as it would have been if I had just done them myself. But Its his first school picture.
        Speaking of Schools. I really hate the cost of it. Its like every single time I turn around I am having to spend money. Well not me per say but Thomas. Oops.  Hopefully tomorrow nothing else gets sent home but those pictures.
        John is doing okay in school. Still having a problem with Talking. I guess we all know where he gets that from huh? Oops again. I guess its all just part of my charm. Its funny though how many people seem to forget that Im not always talkative..... third oops of the night.

              Okay I guess I've gone on long enough. So I'll leave you with a few pictures I took today......

Alright Its Time to Buckle Down.

I just remember that this was to be a blog & photography of a stay at home wife & mom. Oops. I guess I kind of forgot about that part.

While I have been taking pictures like CRAZY, I just haven't been blogging. Eh, what can I say. OoO I know I have writers block. Do you believe that? Anyway, I guess Things are about the same. I am really enjoying the fall weather. I proved to the people that live around me that I am NOT a vampire. I don't burn *or glitter* when I step into the sunlight. I think that's a major plus. Right?

Life has been quiet. Really quiet. I don't know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. John's in school so I find alot of time on my hands. It sure does make it easier to get pictures. but still really quiet. Im really glad that Thomas' invested in an Ipod for me. I think he is too!!

The Changing of the Seasons, The Changing of Life.

(I posted this on cafemom a few weeks ago.... I wanted to put it here...)

So this weeks Journal question is about my favorite season...

        Normally that would be a simple cut & dry answer. Fall. I love the changing of the leaves, the crunchy sound the leaves make when you walk on them. I love the nice weather. Being able to take my little guy out for a walk to see what kinds and colors we can find of leaves. Watching all the children in my area trick or treating. The smell of Pecan pies cooking, Turkeys baking.... Good hardy soups in the crock pot....

        This year though it is going to be very bitter sweet for us. Last year was hard, but it was nice. We got to enjoy all of this one last time with my father in law, so also enjoyed fall. He got to see his only grandchild come running through the house, to where he was laying in bed, & share candy.... This year he's not going to be here.

         When I bake Pecan Pie, he's not going to be there to Joke about Having to do a trial pie just for him to taste.... Or steal half the pecans (he thinks he did, but I always had extra.) There will be no sharing all the good candy with Papa this year.... There will be no turkeys for him either.

          It hurts, but I know its for the best. As much as I hate to say that. He is truly better off. After battling cancer for three years, he held out for as long as he could.

        But this fall, as sweet as it is, to have back. It hurts. I know whats coming & I dont know how to deal with it. In just a few short months He will be gone for a whole year. That hurts. Alot. He shouldn't have left. He was so young, and a good person...

      Nov 20th will make a year.... Thanksgiving will never be the same. It was his favorite holiday... & Even though it will never be the same. I look forward to it. To knowing that people who loved him will be sharing stories about him...



              Last year Fall felt BAD. It was as if the season it's self brought the death of my father in law.. I know thats not true, but I couldn't help but notice for the first time that Fall brought the death of butterflies & flowers.... Leaves & Roses.... It was an evil season & I knew before it happened that my father in law wouldn't make it to see Christmas, as hard as I wished for him to, As much as I begged the gods, or god, or whoever you believe in... I knew with fall our lives where going to change..

     It took me all winter to start growing out of the haze I was in. I didn't do anything that I didn't have to do. I refused to even take out my camera but once. When I went on a trip my father planned for me. Even then as much as I enjoyed it, & I was excited about it, the loss was still too there.

      When Spring started showing, I started healing. I took my camera back out & would spend hours behind the lens. Enjoying seeing everything being reborn again. I enjoyed nursing my roses back from the harsh cruel winter. I started to feel better, behind that camera lens. It woke me up... I felt almost human again. The pain was still there. It will always be there. I don't think the pain ever really goes away, I think we as humans just learn how to deal with the pain...



      I smiled brighter & laughed harder. I remembered the spring before. The fun we had, the good & the bad. We took flowers to the grave & I LAUGHED at the grave, because I knew if Daddy was alive he'd be bitching that I cut roses from my own rose bushes to bring to him. He hated that. He much rather had store bought, that way I didn't "ruin" my beautiful bushes in his words. I never listened & I cut him roses anyway.



      With spring came new, new roses, new laughter, new life...... It helped to deal me. Or at least I like to think that Spring & my camera started healing me. I know I have a long road ahead of me. My whole family does.
 Even though this fall is going to hurt, I think we'll be alright. We'll remember. We'll laugh, We'll cry. We'll be together, honoring the life of a very simple country man who changed everything..


     So to answer the question fall and spring are my favorite seasons. They always have been, but this is the first year for them being my favorite seasons for a reason...















To Marvin T. Dorman. (11-24-51 to 11-20-2009) We'll always love you & We'll look at for the Brightest Star, because we know its you. We love you daddy, Happy Fall.

Well I didn't know that.

I suck at playing pool. =/

Im rather okay at Air Hockey. & My son takes after me..... WOOHOO.