Guns, Motorcycles and Perky In a Can.

I think the title sums it up. It was an all girls day, and we actually had fun. I didn't cry when I heard a few songs, although I fully admit I screamed Fuck as loudly as a could in a crowded area. Oops. I'm working on it. But seriously I put songs to people, and its worse when People send me songs.. That song will be forever tied to people. So when I don't want to hear it, trust me I dont want to hear it.

But I found a beautiful Harley.... 22 grand, which I don't have but its nice to dream.

I also only had one perky in a can. (Cat speak for a can of Monster) 

I also learned that guys get upset when they honk at you and you flip them off. But lets be serious for a moment in life. I am not an animal to be honked at. And if I am trying to cross a busy road, with two children, do not honk. Unless you are honking to let me know I can cross with the children. Thankfully they were teenagers. but still. Its rude... \

Blah. 

I can feel my mood, to my core.. I need to get away from North C. I need to just hop in my truck and ride until I can't anymore.

The Quote Hit Home

So I was reading yesterday, a cheesy free book off Amazon's free deals... Called Marry Me for Money, it was actually a pretty good book. Anyway there was a quote, and it hit home.


What's worse then breaking up with a boyfriend is breaking up with a best friend because boys could come and go but best friends were supposed to last forever....

Jan 3rd 2013 to May 19th 2016.. Life is Full of Changes

It's been a long time since I bothered to update this Blog. And honestly, so much as changed since my last post.

First and most important change, I had a little girl in 2014. She's amazing.. Both of my children are. My son took to being a big brother so well. He's amazed by this little girl who has everyone melting over her.

Second major change, I am now a single person. I never thought my life would take this turn. Life is funny how it works out. It was my choice. A lot of big things and a lot of little things made me make up my mind to leave my marriage. I am not sure where I am going in life. Its a little overwhelming to be a lone for the first time in my life.

I have always been someone's daughter, someone's wife, someone's mother.. Its a different feeling now. I don't have anyone else telling me what to do anymore. It's a wonderful feeling. But different. Very different.

Many things in my life are changing. So much at one time. I don't know how to deal with it all at times. Sometimes I just want to sit down in the middle of a hot shower and cry. But I won't allow myself too.,,,

I am learning I can do this on my own or rather with some kick ass friends surrounding me and keeping me from shattering as badly as I want too.

30 Day Picture Challenge... (Day One)

I'm horrible about posting in my blog. Honestly, I forget. & A friend of mine, who runs another blog wants to do a Challenge. So I'm going to maybe Join in one with her, and do my own..

picture challenge

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile.

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

Day 04 - A picture of your night.

Day 05 - A picture of… your favorite memory.

Day 06 - A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most screwed up things with.

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.

Day 12 - A picture of something you love.

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.

Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel.

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.

Day 25 - A picture of your day.

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.

Day 28 - A picture of something you’re afraid of.

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

So today I am going to Start with Day One. A picture of me with 15 Facts....

1- I love sea turtles. I have a small collection of sea turtle things

2- I really dislike Mac & Cheese. I mean REALLY. I grew up hating the stuff and its never changed.

3- I was born in Brockton Mass. 

4- I miss the snow

5- I hate the heat

6- I still sleep with a feather pillow that I have had since Birth

7- I have 11 tattoos and a number of piercings. I am not through with them either.

8- I love Gone with the Wind

9- I have a deep fear of Furbies.( & Spiders)

10- Red is my favorite color

11- I am soon to be 27

12- I hate cooking. I do all I can to avoid it.

13- I am a very socially awkward person. I hate crowds and most people don't notice how shy I am really am. Most times I walk with my head down, or look straight ahead and will not make eye contact with people

14- I enjoy guns

15- I am a very proud mom. ( I saved the best for last.) My son is seven, I had him when I was just 19. I would not change him for the world. He's my everything. 

It's Time to Stop the Blame Game, & Place the Blame Where it Belongs

     The shooting was a horrible, tragic, endless nightmare. 20 young students where shot and killed. 6 adults died a hero's death trying to save those children. For what purpose? We will never fully know. Oh yeah the Media can give us theories and their spins on things (the media is a whole other topic. )

Did he do it because he was angry at his mom? Did he do it because he was Autistic? Did he do it because of video games? No one will ever fully know. Only he knows and that went to the grave with him. Now a whole Country is in mourning  along with those who lost friends, family, husbands, wives, daughters, sons, aunts, uncles. For what reason?

Many people would like to blame Guns. Yes it was a shooting, but are guns really to blame? In my thoughts no guns are not to blame. Yes that is what he used. But still, the guns didn't scream lets go and kill a bunch of innocent children today. People are the reason guns can be used in deadly force. Its time to stop blaming the guns and start blaming the person behind the gun.

Many would like to blame video games & movies.  But come on. Millions of children around the world play video games daily. Stuff like this does not happen daily. Its not the video games fault. Video games are a work of fiction, of fantasy. Many perfectly happy children play video games that are about shooting, and guess what, they still have compassion, they will not go on a rampage and kill a dozen kids.

Many in this case would like to blame the mother. But the Mother was shot and killed. Yes they were her guns, and yes they were legal. But why is she to blame? Her son was an adult. He made the choices he made that day. She did not tell him to go shoot the kids. She didn't ask to be killed. Why are we blaming her for her adult son's choice. If your child goes and kills someone would you be to blame? Maybe she did raise him right. & Maybe she didn't. We will never know. But again millions of children are growing up, or have grown up in horrible homes. Myself included in that statement. & Guess what,  I haven't shot, stabbed, or killed anyone. Why, because I make my own choices.

It is time to stop playing the blame game, and its time to place the blame where it belongs. At the shooters feet. HE MADE THE CHOICE. HE KILLED THOSE CHILDREN. HE KILLED THE ADULTS. Maybe there was something mentally wrong with him. But that doesn't mean video games, the media, or the fact that he may or may not have been autistic, the guns, movies, or his mom are to blame. .

If it was say a 50 year old guy, would you still be blaming video games or the parents? Think about that. Clearly there was something very wrong with this man, to do what he did. But you have to wonder, maybe the mother did everything she could... He was by all terms a legal adult. He is to blame. & No one, or nothing else....

May the world always remember the lives lost at Sandy Hook School. May the angels rest in peace....



( Please note that I have not or will not use the names of the shooter, the mother, or any of the children and teachers that were killed that day. I refuse to make his name more famous then it already is. I think we all know who I am speaking off.  I will not use the children's names because they were children. They shouldn't be plastered all over the media and websites. They should have the respect of resting in peace.)

Chinese Food? Books? Okay....

Today was a very busy day! Of what you ask? NOTHING. It seems the day went by so quickly && all I did was get errands ran. Which in Cat speak, that's running to Wal-Mart (because living in a small town thats pretty much the only place you can pick up things such as ALL MIGHTY PACKS and not pay a arm and a leg for them.) Then to the school house and then to the "Fish" store to pick up John's reward for bringing home a good progress report. (Its what he wanted, new fishies.)

So now I am ready to curl up with a good book. I already got some pretty kick ass Chinese food from these place my friend told me about. :) But before I do that I have photos to edit and a kid to get into the shower.

Baby Steps, Right?

Welp, Today I took out my camera, for the first time in a long time to just take pictures. No one telling me what they wanted, or anything like that. Just me, the camera & the front yard. :D I'm takin' baby steps. Thats it. Just breathe and take tiny steps fowards the healing.

First Things, First

Last night I got the wonderful Idea, that I just had to have my two nephews join my son for the night. Someone else tell me what I was thinking? Holy Loudness Batman!!! But I love them what can I say, even if I was woken up at 7:30 by screaming, ( I am not sure but I think the Autobots where attacking the bad guys.  I'm too tired to think of their names right now.) They are really great kids and I am lucky to have them in my life. Even if when they get with my son they drive me to drinkin (couldn't this morning, :( NO COFFEE CREAMER!!!)

 Anyway, I spent last night with my music, my photographs and oddly enough I am starting to feel a little bit better. Why Ive waited so long to work on my website I don't know. I think deep down inside it was because I knew I would see some photographs that I am not ready to see. & Of course I did. & I might have gotten a little teary eyed, but I kept them up. I can't change the past, those picture show a time in my life that despite all odds I enjoyed. they show a time in my life when everything was falling apart and I had someone strong to help me through it. & In the end it didn't work, choices had to be made and I had to do what was best for everyone. Blah, Don't you hate that. Even though I know the choices I made where best for everyone, part of me still cries for that time. & I know if you don't know me, you have no idea what I am talking about. Sorry. There's enough people in my world that know and can't wait to keep telling me about the other sides of the story. Or who wrong my choices where. It's better this way.

Today the plan is to keep the kids amused until a little after lunch && then head back to bed. for a nap. If the games not on. (Which reminds me when are the Pats playing?) Maybe take out the camera if the sky clears up some. Maybe edit some Photographs. Who knows the world is mine for the day....

Some of My Better Shots of the Past Year.

Well Over a Year, A Year of Strange, Heartbreak, Anger, && Moving on.

Well its been well over a year since I even opened this blog. I got so caught up with everything going on in my life, I never even thought to grab some paper & a pen, or even to log on here. Lookin' back now, I think I could have used it.

       I couldn't even begin to explain what all has happened to me this past year, some of my own doing, some my own mistakes, and some thrown on me from others. Looking back on this past year I know now that I am forever changed, & Honestly some days I don't know if this is a good thing, or a horrible thing.

My son is now SEVEN years old, it seems like yesterday he was only learning how to walk.

I am still married.

I am now 26

I rarely touch my camera, or listen to music.

But I know that I am slowly getting back into the habits. I need them, I think. I think my camera can heal me if I give it the chance,
              But then again I have to ask myself, do I want to heal from what I have been through? Some of it was so amazing, even if it did end, even if the events leading up too, and after were horrible choices I made, that I do not regret.

I learned A LOT of life lessons this past year, and honestly, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Would I do somethings differently? Maybe,  I know I can finally say I know the meaning of the word Regret, and the Girl who never regretted anything has a big regret that I am going to have to live with. I know the fault is mine and honestly, I wish I could change it but I can't...


Anyway that's it for now. I WILL be back soon.

Its been a Month Since the last Post. Soooo

   I've not updated in awhile. Truly I don't know why I haven't. I guess there is just truly a lot going on in my life. I need to take a break & step back for a while. Things can get so confusing & all so quickly. I wonder how we get ourselves into these messes. Struggling to deal with issues from the past, struggling to figure out my future. Eh..... Anyway

 I am finally 25 years old. Woohoo. No not really. Another year, another important life lesson learned I guess.



John is doing good. He's got to go to the doctors this afternoon. We think he has an ear infection. Not fun. Thankfully he seems to be doing better today then he was yesterday.

2011

          So Far this year has already been a little on the crazy side. And the sad thing is we are only five days into it. WOW. That's all I'm going to say. I think major changes are coming to my life though. I need to make a few choices & figure out which way to go from here.

 I refuse to re-live 2010... 

To Answer the Question of Why Im not in School for Photography

 So in the past few weeks, I have been asked just a few times on why I haven't gone to back to school for Photographer. It's not that I don't want to. Well Okay. Sighs. I guess I am going to have to explain this one.

I do want to go to school for Photography. I really do. But I don't. I love Photography. To me there is no better way for me to Relax. & There lies problem number one of me going to school for it. I love Photography, It isn't a Job for me. Its a hobby, something I do, just for me. (Well I take pictures for other people, but I do it because I want too, or have been talked into it.) I don't want to lose the love of it. I don't want it to become something I HAVE TO DO. I want it to stay something I love doing. *Like Christmas this weekend, a few people where surprised that I didn't take as many pictures as I normally do.*

         Another reason I haven't gone into Photography, sighs,The term Socially Awkward comes to mind. I know I am awkward towards people. I know I am. & I know my friends if reading this are laughing to themselves because they are use to me bossing them around, moving them to where I think the photos would look best at. But they are friends, People who I've been able to get over this damn shyness with. I can't do it with a bunch of strangers. Trust me. I've tried. Im not the kind of girl that is okay in a group of people, being in the center.  Shy doesn't even begin to cover it. It takes me forever to crawl out of this shell that I've built up. I really need to get over it & to be fair I'm trying. I really am. But Awkward suits me......... The word about sums it up.


There's a few more reasons. Like Money. That's an issue. Ummmm, I guess another reason would be I don't think my pictures are all that great. Just saying.... I do it for me. I like it & yea.

Christmas & Snow!!!

But sadly they did not fall on the same day.

                 Christmas this year was really great. Santa was super nice to John & I this year. John has been glued to his Wii. & I can dance merrily around the house in my very own New England Pats Jersey. =) We had a great day with our friends & our family. I was really excited that one of our dear friends was able to make it home in time for Christmas. That in its self made it worth it. It truly was a Christmas Miracle!!!!!!!!! Welcome Home is all I am going to say.

             Then around 1:30 A.M. the snow came in. <3 It makes me miss the North. A lot. But It was amazing to see it, to walk in it, & of course to play in it!!!! John had a blast, & we learned that our newest Member of our Family, Sammie, LOVES the snow as much as I do. Of course I think everyone I live around thinks I am insane. *Not that, that is anything new....* Because of course the Snow Started falling around 1:12 & by 1:30 A.M I'm walking the dog. I stayed up late just to see the snow start. Of course I spent most of the day *Between 7 this morning, and 6 O'clock tonight playing in it. Off and on.* John had a blast throwing Snow Balls at his daddy & I.

This weekend all in all was pretty amazing. It might have started off really crappy, but it only got better. =)

Been A While.

I noticed that I hadn't posted a update since last month. Sorry. Things have been kind of crazy around here with Best friend coming to visit. & Getting ready for Christmas!!! But I am still alive & I will update more later... Right now I have too much engery to sit still at the computer.



*Starbucks DoubleShots should not be drank at 8:00 p.m Just Saying!!!*

Back!!!

Oh yeah,, I'm back on my own computer. I can't even explain how excited I am to be able to sit here on my own computer & type. My keyboard. O, have I missed my keyboard & my pictures..!!!!! It feels wonderful. I can't even explain. You go so long with our own & then have to go to using someone Else's computer. NOT COOL!!!!!

I could have kissed the guy at the computer store if he had more of a personality. Oops. It was like talking to a computer.... *eye roll goes here*. Thomas laughed at me. Because I told him & the dude at the computer store that they were my hero's. O my computer how I have missed thee.

Thanksgiving....

Thanksgiving this year was once again Bittersweet.  It was a long but fun filled day. I spent most of the day with my friend Marilyn. I  hang out at her house while keeping track of the game. (Yea Baby the Pats totally kicked Lion Butt!!) Then we took off down to grandma's house for a little bit & then back to our friends house for there Thanksgiving. All in all it was a good day.

I guess I just dont like this time of year because of Daddy. Its really hard. Maybe next year will be easier. But with him passing away, his birthday & Thanksgiving all within the same week, its a hard time. (Daddy's favorite Holiday was Thanksgiving.) But It was good to remember the good times with him.



Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Day Daddy!!!

I can't believe a year has already passed us by

Its been hard without you

& tomorrow is going to even that much harder

But This year Im thankful for all the memories

that you left us with.

As much as it hurts,

I know that You're better off,

& are looking down upon us

with a grin on your face.

Enjoy your Birthday

&

Your Thanksgiving.

Today was hard, harder then Saturday. We took five balloons out to the gravesite & let them go. Each & every one reached the sky. It was bitter sweet... I know that this should be getting easier, but It doesn't seem like it. Theres not a day that doesn't go by that I'll think about him, or want to cry when I see a picture of him...

He might not have been my real father, but I couldn't have asked for a better father in law to have. He was an amazing man. && I wish he knows how much we miss him & How much we love him & think about it.



I made it through.

I made it through Saturday. It was killer, but I did it. I had some amazing friends to help me through it. Now if I can only get through the 24-25!!! I cried some, & laughed some & remembered some amazing memories. I just didn't think it would hurt this much after a year. I was wrong. I was really really really wrong.

I guess the saying is true. You never get over the pain, you just learn how to live with it.

Almost A Year.

=( & I dont know if I can cope with it.

Im trying really hard, but its not so easy. I miss him.. Alot. This week has been really rough on me. & Its all I can do to keep from breaking down.. I heard that song by Carrie Underwood last week & it just all came rushing back. It was the first time I had listened to it since the day we laid him to rest. My god daughter did an amazing job on it.

But it hurts, & it hurts alot.... Im trying to keep a smile on my face, & be happy & bouncy.. But really all I want to do is cancel Thanksgiving & Curl up in bed & sleep until Dec. 1st.




I miss you Daddy....